Thank you, cluudle. Duh.
Gender. Where did I get this messed-up obsession with gender roles, with a side order of gender confusion?
My family has very strong gender roles
and I fit the masculine of those more than the feminine.(*)
duh
Add on to that a decade spent with gamers for whom “girl” is an alien species so “not-girl” is how they deal with girls they can talk to…
…and playing with the boys is more fun (hiking!) than playing with the girls (shopping? Makeup?)…
(*) And not the ones you see on TV shows. Women handle finance. We’re a very Strong Female Role Model family. But men handle woodworking, cars, metalworking (Sort of. My mom sanded and stained our entire house. Twice).
I have trouble being coherent about this, but there’s some blather.
*nods* I get that.
I think – I know – a lot of my self-worth issues stem from the fact that I am not my mother. Love your icon, btw.
I always love hearing you talk about gender roles because they’re so completely alien to me. 😀 Which in itself is a fascinating point. I just went back and reviewed my childhood in an attempt to see if there was, for example, a distinct lack of any sort of division-by-gender amongst traits/skills/hobbies, and… I still don’t know. All I can think is maybe insufficient sample size during my developmental years. Also possibly my lack of proper identification as a boy or a girl. <.<
Herm. Playing with girls was rather different for me. WHen I was little, it had to involve dolls. I still love dolls, mostly as a vehicle to make characters and make stories about them. Also as a vehicle for crafts (sewing for dolls, making small furniture and other miniatures…. there is a reason I like gaming minis a lot). Later, it was hikes, and gardening (which both my parents do, but because my sister is sort of the local expert it sits in my head as a girl activity). Also, crafts! Lots of them. I never loved makeup, unless there were costumes involved, and am not big on shopping other than for neat curios and books (also, toys and dolls). Both of my parents did the finances, so that is a “person job” in my head without a gender attached.
On gender roles, misc thoughts: -I wasn’t allowed to play with Barbies as a kid. Nor watch Disney movies. Mom disapproved of the Princess model. -Between mom and dad, mom was the leader. When they had arguments, what she decided at the end was what happened. -Dad ended up with home repair / home-improvement stuff around the house, but he was bad at it.
I played with Barbies, and with my mom’s handmedown dolls. I… have serious princess envy. I always have. I’m not sure what to do with that.
One of my friends has that, too – where is Prince Charming, why is the fairy tale not happening, why no movie stardom or fame or whatnot.
That was me up there, btw It’s … the bad end of being not-girl. Why isn’t anyone cossetting and protecting /me/?
May be my fault, this confusion. I always encouraged you do whatever you were interested in. So we played with tools and built things. We took things apart and tried to fix them. Your mother was right there with tools and implements as well. The women generally cooked and kept house because they were there and felt they did a more thorough job than the guys. In the books I shared with you, (as guides), the characters were capable at whatever they were about. Again non-gender specific. I saw as I was growing up a sharp line between mans work and womens work and the problems and demeaning attitudes resulting from them. I chose to encourage you to be you, whatever you felt that was.